What if there’s a gap between the leader you think you are and the one your people experience every day?
It’s a provocative question that many leaders shy away from asking. Yet it lies at the heart of effective leadership: Do you really see yourself clearly, or are you leading with blind spots?
The Blind Spot Problem
One of the greatest dangers in leadership is the inability to see ourselves as others do. We all carry biases about our strengths, intentions, and impact. These mental filters shape how we perceive our leadership but often obscure the reality others experience.
As Stephen R. Covey wisely said: "We see the world, not as it is, but as we are—or as we are conditioned to see it." Understanding this truth is essential for uncovering and addressing blind spots.
Why Do We Have Blind Spots?
Most leaders don’t intentionally ignore their impact on others—our blind spots form innocently. They can arise from:
- Habitual Thought Patterns: Over time, we develop ways of thinking and behaving that feel comfortable and efficient but may no longer serve us or our teams.
- Cognitive Biases: We tend to interpret situations in ways that confirm our existing beliefs, including beliefs about ourselves.
- Emotional Defenses: It’s natural to protect ourselves from uncomfortable truths. We avoid or deny these feelings rather than seeing the truth they point to. This can make it difficult to see where we need to grow.
- Limited Feedback: If people around us are hesitant to share honest feedback, we miss crucial insights.
A Personal Story
A while ago, when I was a young purchasing manager at Mars in the UK, I was under the misunderstanding that I needed to be strong and speak up in meetings. I thought this was me being assertive—something we had been told in training was important. Little did I know that in these meetings, I was perceived as being abrasive, not listening to others, and shutting people down. I was completely oblivious until my manager at the time told me about this.
It was an awful moment. I felt angry because I thought I was doing what I was supposed to do in a competitive work environment. It took me several months of observing myself before I saw what my manager saw in action, and then I went ugh! The realisation was painful and humbling. But once that blind spot was uncovered on the belief, I unlocked a more authentic version of myself—leading without pretense and connecting more genuinely with others.
Acknowledging that blind spots are a natural part of leadership can help us approach self-improvement with curiosity and compassion rather than guilt or defensiveness.
Perception Matters
When leaders operate based solely on their internal narratives, they risk creating cultures of confusion, disengagement, and even resentment. This is self deception. On the other hand, leaders who actively self-inquire and seek clarity—who close the gap between self-perception and external perception—create environments where trust, accountability, and innovation thrive.
How to Close the Gap
Becoming the leader others truly need requires intentional effort. Here are four practical ways to bridge the divide:
1. Engage in Self-Reflection
Any journey of personal change begins with turning inward. By reflecting on your actions and their impact, you can explore the thoughts, beliefs, and feelings that influenced those actions. Through honest, non-judgmental self-inquiry, you can gain insight into your mental habits and recognise any misunderstandings or beliefs that might be getting in the way. As you step back and zoom out to see how these thoughts and beliefs shape your leadership, you allow space for insight and transformation to occur.
2. Seek Candid Feedback
Go beyond annual performance reviews, 360 assessments, and polite feedback sandwiches. Seek candid, unfiltered insights from trusted colleagues, peers, and direct reports. Be courageous—ask those who may not be your biggest fans; their perspectives can be surprisingly valuable. Remember, it's your choice what feedback to take on board. Consider questions like:
What’s one thing I do that helps you perform better?
What’s one thing I do that gets in your way?
3. Listen Without Defensiveness
Hearing honest feedback can be uncomfortable, but defensiveness stifles growth. Instead, listen with curiosity rather than judgment. Even if the delivery isn’t ideal, ask yourself: Is there a grain of truth in what I’m hearing? Remember, feedback is a gift—not an attack.
4. Find a Trusted Coach or Mentor
A coach can offer objective insights and help you uncover blind spots. They can challenge your assumptions and guide you toward greater self-awareness.
Your Advantage
Leaders who cultivate self-inquiry and actively seek clarity on how they are showing up are more authentic, empathetic, and impactful. They build stronger relationships, foster collaboration, and navigate challenges with greater resilience.
So ask yourself: Am I the leader everyone sees—or the one I think I am? The answer to that question could unlock your next level of leadership growth.
Aroha
Judith
